Judgement

The word judgement is loaded, wouldn’t you agree?

I once had a friend who is a sweet heart once ask me why do people think she is always judging them. (She is a sweet heart but does have an air of judgement about her) so I said “because of what you say about others.” So it doesn’t matter that you’re not specifically judging your friends, if you are judging other people those around you will assume you think the same of them.

Because here’s the thing, as much as we try to fight it, there are so many fundamental things about us (all of us) that are more alike than are actually different. So if someone hears you talking with such disdain about another’s struggle, or lifestyle it is not hard for them to assume you will have the same response to them and their issues.

And this post is not because anyone cast judgement on me recently. In fact, I don’t allow such things. What I mean is, I know and own all my issues. So no one can use anything about me against me because 1, I don’t give them permission, 2, I’m not hiding anything (I freely talk about my struggles with those around me so there’s no shock factor to a single area of my life) because of this I’m free from guilt and shame.

Literally, if I feel guilty 1. I have to rectify immediately and that usually has to deal with relationships and if I hurt someone. 2. I can’t live in that disharmony. 3, no one has any idea what it takes for me to live life and exist. No one knows my specific set of struggles, trauma etc. A very good example of this is a recent convo I had with a cousin of mine who was telling me that his brother said “it just dawned on me that Genny has lost 2 daddies…” then he proceeds to tell me this convo that was about me with other cousins. This is not pity. This is simply saying even though they know and love me, it just dawned on them who knew me when my daddy Gabriel died when I was a little girl, and now my daddy Loumoth dying it is just hitting them how crazy of a situation it is. Because no one has my perspective. I grieve with my siblings from Gabe and I grieve with my siblings from Loumoth. But NO ONE is able to grieve with me from both sides. No one. So no one can tell me what that specific pain is like. NO ONE. I don’t allow it, I won’t ever allow someone to tell me how to grieve.

So! This is my philosophy: that I do not know what internal struggles someone is dealing with so who am I, an outsider, to come in and make a judgement of their lives? Don’t get me wrong, I most certainly have judgements; we all do. But I try not to define people by such limited information. I don’t know their souls.

Most people, I genuinely believe, are doing their best. Now, their best may be a total mess. But I bet if you looked deeper into their lives, their upbringing, their insecurities, the negative words spoken over them, the abuse they may have endured that you have no clue about, the deep hurt, rejection, disappointment, betrayal, past trauma and so on I bet your judgement just may turn into compassion.

People are trying to cope. Some, have found healthy coping mechanisms such as Jesus, religion, church, working out, therapy, healthy friendships, etc. Some use more unhealthy forms such as drugs, casual sex, spending so much money that they are in large amounts of debt, lashing out, being violent, crime, etc.

So when it boils down to it, I think most of us are the same. Battling the same issues. Some have found better ways to deal with said issues.

But Let’s not be so hasty to come against those who have not YET found better ways to deal. And I purposely say yet because people are ever changing, and evolving. And if you genuinely love people and identify as a Christian isn’t that your goal anyway? To pray for them to get healing & to change rather than to cast ur humanly opinion that is laden with judgement and lacks love because your seeing this person from a very surface perspective.

Ok, soapbox complete. Happy Sunday!

Skills

Posted on

March 29, 2020

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